As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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