Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
