My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
