drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
