If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
