i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I would fuck him just for his dog
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
