it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
