Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
