John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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