fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i love accidental penises.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
