I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
