so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
