Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
