What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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