I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
