She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
