i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
