My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
