i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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