I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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