How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
