Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
