I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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