some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
