What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
