I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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