don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
