what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
