I wish I only lived at night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
