You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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