Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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