if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
