What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
