i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
