i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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