so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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