last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
