Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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