You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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