so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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