I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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