I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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