Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
