yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
