Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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