so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My ATM looks so different sober.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
