If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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