he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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