I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
