Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
