Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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