OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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