Why are handjobs necessary in class?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
