Can Purell be used as lube?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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