New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I could fuck to npr.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
