ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
