she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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