I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
